With the holidays approaching, we can put a lot of pressure on ourselves when we tell ourselves that we are supposed to show up in a certain way. We tell ourselves we should be a certain way, or we need to show up a particular way.
Usually my husband does most of the Christmas shopping because to be honest, he does a great job at it and I don't enjoy shopping. But this year I decided to take a stab at it and I'll be honest and will say I'm having some anxiety around some of the decisions that I will be making.
It took me well into adulthood to understand that the holidays are not always filled with Hallmark bliss and that sometimes we don't feel holiday cheer all the time about the holidays. Day by day or whatever it may be for you, holidays can bring up feelings of loss and lonliness around memories of loved ones who have passed. Maybe there's been a change in our family and this is the first year without a particular tradition (or the 2nd or 10th year), or a loss of a job or income that will make the holidays more of a challenge. Here in the Seattle area, the grey skies and rain can contribute to feeling blue for sure. There are a lot of expectations that we have of ourselves during these last few months of the year.
When we find ourselves using the word "should", it can feel like hustle and is heavy. Changing out the word "should" for "could" can lighten things up and open up our minds to a possibility of other options.
"Shouldn't" is a poisonous word and resistance comes up which can drive a lot of heavy emotions. There is no room for love. Check in with yourself and make sure you are empowering yourself to make decisions for you. Check in with yourself again and make sure you are deciding your priorities. Doing something because you "should" almost never comes from an empowering place.
When you hear yourself say, "I should be ________", ask yourself, "how do I know that I should be ________."
Using the word "shouldn't" often creates the opposite thing because we are putting so much pressure on ourselves.
With your self talk, learn to catch yourself with the words have, need or should. Notice how you are feeling when you say these words to yourself. Feelings that are closed, small, trapped or tight might come up for you. Learning to substitute these words with could can feel like giving ourselves the permission that we've always had to show up different than how we have allowed ourselves to in the past.
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