One of the things that happens to us when we’re in burnout is we become mentally and emotionally paralyzed and we have a hard time making decisions. Our brain kind of shuts down and we go into overwhelm. When we are feeling overwhelmed, we look for short cuts and easy ways out to preserve our precious commodities of energy and strength. It's a natural thing to do, I think we've all been there.
One of the short cuts we begin to default to is telling ourselves, ‘I don’t know.’
In coaching I was taught that ‘I don’t know’ isn’t really a good answer. Sometimes we tell ourself this because we’re avoiding really thinking about what the answer might be. And let’s face it, when we think I don’t know, it kind of lets us off the hook for really coming up with a good answer. It seems like an innocent way to walk away from something that might need to be solved.
When we think I don’t know it can keep us in a place of confusion and bring in some mind drama. You can feel stuck or feel like you’re spinning and maybe unconsciously decide to hide from the question that you’re saying I don’t know to. I don’t know feels unproductive and we aren’t doing ourselves any favors by allowing ourselves to think this. We’re actually working against ourselves by allowing us to stay stuck and confused.
A way to get out of the spinning and confusion is to simply ask yourself, “what if I did know?”This is a coaching question I use often to help my clients work their way out of being stuck. Sometimes just by asking ourselves this question and keeping it simple, we find we actually do know the answer. Choosing to not let ourselves escape from the question and deciding to dig a little bit deeper can be so impactful. It seems so hard, but if we push ourselves just a little bit, chances are there’s a really good answer just under the surface of I don’t know.
Sometimes answering I don’t know is productive and ok. When we are talking about the future and what the future holds for us, I don’t know doesn’t feel heavy or confusing, it’s just the truth! When we are talking about other people and their decisions, I don’t know is a truth also because we know we can’t control other people. When we are thinking about our kids’ lives or our family and friends and what their decisions might be, we know they get to make their own decisions.
So take notice, are you telling yourself you don’t know and moving away from what you want or are you allowing yourself to not know in a way that moves you towards what you want? Most of us do know what we want and by making space for us to answer ourselves truthfully and then accept our answer and move on, we create a new and wonderful forward momentum for us to grow into.
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